march 7, 2009
With a heavy heart, I agreed to let George the fish specialist at Petland, put Fishy down. He was so bloated that part of his belly was above water, and his scales were beginning to pinecone.He floated upsideddown, underneath the waterfall, to keep himself wet. He looked miserable.
Handfeeding mashed peas, water changes, epsom salts, cod liver oil, I tried it all. Learned it all on line…Google became my friend. But it also brought me to think about humanely euthanizing Fishy. With many different options, there were none that I could have done myself. It was selfish.
It’s always worse for the ones that are left behind. I wasn’t ready to let him go, but I could see that he didn’t want to stay. Not like this.
I prayed to make the right decision, and I knew that I could not have put him down myself. I brought pics of Fishy to show George who immediately recommended that Fishy be put down and he offered to do it for me. My grief was immediate, and shameless. He was a fish, but the mourning is very real.
I’ll bring him home tomorrow and bury him in my garden. I’ll miss Fishy.
Passion is a good thing.
If you can experience the deep, emotional lows of grief, then that’s a sign that the emotional high’s of great love and joy is there for you too. I was very passionate about saving Fishy’s life, hoping to make him well again, with faith, I tried everything I could to save his life.
My husband reminded me to think about my dad, a retired General surgeon. I admire him and his chosen life’s work.
When as a doctor, you work so hard to save a life,you expend every option and you can’t keep him/her alive, the mental, emotional and physical highs and lows are exhausting. How does one do that day after day over years and years?
Fishy was only a 59 cent goldfish that my daughter as a freshman in college, brought home over Christmas break 4 years ago. He never made the trip back to campus and instead gave me such joy and pleasure. I used to change his bowls like outfits, until he got too big and we moved him into a bigger tank.
People will laugh, they’ll think I’m crazy,after all he was only a fish, but from my time with Fishy, I learned more about love, and life, diligence, passion and never ever giving up . Rest in Peace my friend